🔗 Share this article

The current year represents a ten-year milestone since the word “disappearing” hit the public consciousness. Initially, the idea that someone could instantly end all contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the height of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more confounding – an commonly pointless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Gen Z, a generation who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more deranged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive breakdown to the words Zoomers is using to discuss love, intimacy and the search of both. To echo one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

---

A

Realness – According to gen Z, dating’s ideal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reply is interested or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to choosing someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a crush or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to pairs who forgo parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral quirks suggesting a potential partner is bad news. For instance calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits confirm your choice to date a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly benign quirks. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately kill any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {