The Phrases given by A Dad Which Saved Us as a First-Time Father

"I believe I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of being a father.

But the truth quickly became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her chief support as well as looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he burnt out. It was a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good spot. You must get support. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more comfortable discussing the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a larger reluctance to open up among men, who often hold onto negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It's not a show of failure to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a break - taking a short trip away, separate from the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the expression of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "bad choices" when in his youth to change how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a friend, your partner or a professional what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, staying active and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their pain, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I feel like my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."